


The Secret Life of Brian Kinney

by Sonny



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M, Post Season 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-03-24
Updated: 2007-03-24
Packaged: 2017-10-13 16:25:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/139307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonny/pseuds/Sonny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brian is feeling a little out-of-sorts... or maybe because it's Monday...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I "innocently" responded to a WORD : GAME challenge on Br/M Yahoo Message Board to the word - CAPTIVE and that didn't seem to be enough ; Anyway, Jenna seemed like she really wanted to see what would happen after I tied Michael to the swing set pole... so... I brainstormed and came up with this reply... ; My word : game response is within this fic... :O)

Brian wasn't even aware he wasn't paying attention. He could swear Michael was right beside him, but upon a second and a third glance... nothing. Well, not nothing, just... not Michael. Not even someone he knew. Like an Emmett or a Ted. He'd even take a vision of Debbie. 

All of it was changed, different. New faces, new and trim bodies with new names he'd never know. Their looks were the same, but they all reminded him of something from the past. They were interested in him, but he wasn't in them. At least not today.

Sunday. Ecch! What was he doing here, at Woody's, trying to score somebody for a Sunday night fling? He should be at Babylon, but he didn't like to be a patron there on nights Ted was manager. It was as if a whole class of people way older then him showed up. Perfect for Ted and his age group, but not good for Brian. He wasn't looking to be anyone's Bottom Boy.

He placed his elbow on the bar, playing with the bent corner of his beer label. He could see a reflection of himself above the array of liquors lining the back of the bar counter. Damn... he even looked lonely. Any minute now he felt a heavy sigh boiling inside, ready to erupt.

He heard the stool being taken beside him, even before he smelled the feminine perfume. The scrape of sheer hosiery of legs crossing. Shit! Too late to bolt. He shut his lids in quiet misery. Just what he needed now... fuckin' female intuition.

The purse came down on the counter and the gruff voice reverberated off the cigarette dangling from the red smeared mouth. "Scotch! No rocks!"

Brian heard the scratch of a match, the burn of a flame and the seer of fine papers and tobacco. He counted in his own head how long it would take for Mysterious Marilyn to recognize him. So he broke a cardinal rule and actually initiated a conversation instead of waiting for her to pester him. "Late night blind date gone wrong?"

"Why the fuck do you care, Kinney?" Marilyn dragged down an amber-colored ashtray and a bowl of mixed nuts. "Nuts?" 

Brian kind of cracked up laughing, holding his belly, for fakeness sake. "Oooo... laugh riot." He cleared his throat. "No... seriously... why DO you bothering dating? When you already know how they'll be by the end?"

"Because... sometimes I just wanna be normal."

Brian genuinely laughed this time. Marilyn "normal"? Riiiiiiiiight. "Can you?"

"Can I what?"

"Turn off the... you know what?" Brian worked his hand in front of his chest as if there were dials to turn, like a volume control.

"Wow. Kinney sarcasm is in full swing tonight." Marilyn took a hard look at Brian, before she spoke again. "Honey, you look worse then me. What gives?" She glanced around the bar, wondering where the bunch of guy friends normally surrounding Kinney would be.

"Flying solo."

"I've been here almost every night, hon'. You been here three times this week." Marilyn took her thick glass of scotch, taking a sip and a drag almost at once. She blew the smoke out of the right side of her mouth, away from Brian's eyes. "I thought your 'scene' was Babylon."

Brian rolled his eyes. Now, wishing more then ever that he had bailed 15 minutes ago. "Can't an old dog learn new tricks?"

"Honey..." Marilyn gave Brian the "once over", making a noise under her breath. "... even when you look like shit, you could never be an Old Dog. But isn't the saying 'A leopard can never change his spots' more appropriate?"

"Maybe..." Brian opened his mouth as if to add something more, but he stopped.

"What?"

"Nah..." Brian shook his head, sinking low on the bar. "Never mind..."

"No. C'mon... for shits-n-giggles. I got no where to be and you got no one to be with. Five minutes." Marilyn gestured with her chin to show Brian should take a swig of his warm beer. "All I'm asking." She flashed five fingers with her impeccably manicured hand.

"No. Excuse me... I was about to leave." Brian slid off his stool as he tipped the bottle back to slurp the liquid down his throat. He missed the fact he had his foot curled about one of the rungs and almost fell into Marilyn's strong arms.

"Ooops... eee-daisy!!" Marilyn had never had Brian Kinney fall into her lap like this. He smelled nice, felt warm. Certainly not something she expected. The "warmth", actually.

Brian pushed off from the fake bosom and polyester, silk-blend slip-on dress. "Sorry." He righted his body on both feet, flat to the floor.

"Hey... didn't mean to chase you away, hon'. I can always move to the other side of the room." Marilyn picked up her purse, drink and ashtray.

"No... no... no!" Brian kept shaking his head, feeling as if his neck wasn't connected to his spine. He used the bar counter to hold himself upright. "I need to go. Early meeting tomorrow."

Marilyn checked her watch and the wall clock. "It's forty minutes before midnight. Did I miss the Apocalypse?" She could see how unsteady Brian was on his feet. "Holy shit... what are you on?!"

"Nothing. Just beer." Brian wiped a tired hand over his face. Beer... no food and no sleep. No Michael. No life.

"For real?"

"Yes. Pardon me." Brian placed his arm over his stomach and almost elegantly bowed. "Have a nice evening."

"Need a ride?"

Brian held up his keys.

"You... are in no shape to drive." Marilyn opened her purse to take out her cell phone. "Lemme call you a taxi." She only had to press one button. She had them on speed dial. As she took out her phone, a few items tumbled out and fell to the floor.

Brian sighed, bending to pick them up. It sounded like money. Change... dimes, nickels, quarters, whatnot. Still... it was money.

"It's ringing." Marilyn watched as Brian lowered his delectable body, to dig for change on the floor. "Honey... if it fell on the floor, it must have wanted out."

Brian held them out to place in the palm of Marilyn's hand, licking his dry lips and blinking slowly.

"That's all yours now." Marilyn pushed Brian's hand back to his chest. Then rattled off the address of Woody's into the dispatcher's ear. She closed her phone. "Five minutes. You can wait for them here..." She patted the stool next to her. "Sit. Tell me about your life. What's up? What's down? What's shakin'? What's quakin'?"

Brian did retake the stool, but not fully. He leaned heavily on it with his backside, crossing his arms over his chest. He pocketed the change into his pants. "I don't need my future read.Thank you very much."

"Can't we just... talk?" Marilyn lifted one lone dark eyebrow. "I wasn't born this way, you know."

"What a fright that would have been." Brian snickered, shaking his head. He rubbed a hand over the back of his head, then down his nape.

"Oh, sweetie..." Marilyn had never like Brian Kinney, but one thing she hated more was to see a broken heart. And it wasn't like Brian could hide it, like usual. It was just... in his eyes. Those beautiful hazel eyes that were always sharp and in tune, laughing or staring longingly. Now they looked... dead. Well, not DEAD dead... just lifeless. As she went to cup Brian's shoulder, he shifted, further away. "Where's your usual... party?"

"What do you mean?" Brian furrowed his brow in confusion.

"Your friends."

"I have no friends."

"Sure you do."

"Who? You mean... Michael?"

"The dark-haired impish one?"

Brian didn't know if THAT was a good enough description to warrant a reply, but... whatever. Wasting time until the cab came. "He's married now. Playing housewife with The Professor... two kids... home..."

"Are you shittin' me?"

"Shit you not."

"Well... Brian... there you go, right there." Marilyn gestured with her hand in the air.

"WHAT... THERE? It makes no fuckin' sense."

"Are you sure?"

"Sure about what?"

"What you said?"

"What did I say?"

"To him." Marilyn inhaled strongly on her cigarette, blowing the smoke up her own face to fog her features in Brian's eyesight. "To Michael."

Brian went quiet, staring at the hardwood floor.

Woody's door opened, letting in a chilly breeze.

"Somebody call a cab!"

Marilyn flagged the cabbie, handing Brian the bill she had kept in her brassier. "On me, hon'." She cupped the hand that fisted her money. "Don't give up. It's not over... until it's over."

"Huh?"

Marilyn turned back to face the bartender, striking up a conversation. She was asking for her "psychic" toys to come out, from behind the counter, so she could set up "shop" for the night.

Brian shook his head at how creepy that was.

How had she known THAT was what he was thinking about? His long ago fight with Michael. What had been said, by both men, and what still lay unsaid. He grumbled about silly voodoo and witchery without realizing he was actually taking the cab Marilyn had requested for him.

What... in the Holy Hell??

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Brian woke up five minutes before his alarm clock went off. He was half in, half out of the bed. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to get up today. He rubbed his Adam's apple, feeling a scratch-i-ness tickle the back of his throat. He rolled over, sighing and stretching his arms out from his sides.

ANOTHER fuckin' dream about Michael. They were like clockwork the more time he spent distant from his one constant.

Normally... he'd hit nothing. Alone in bed AH-gain. But this time... he hit someone. And it had flesh. Warm, soft flesh. Naked and warm, pliant and soft. His left hand went down further, tracing the curve of a hip, sloping down a trim thigh covered with soft hairs.

He heard the mewl, the sound of someone moaning under covers.

Brian raised off his torso, on his left elbow. Okay... someone had certainly taken liberties last night and stayed longer then necessary. He cleared his throat, ready to admonish the man leftover in his bed, but the form rolled on it's own.

As the body rolled, it brought crushed sheets with him.

"Mornin', Brian!" Michael reached up, backward, with his right hand to awkwardly slide up Brian's face to tangle in his hair. He yanked him down for a long, languid kiss on the lips. No tongue. His bottom shuffled backward to conform to Brian's groin... as if memories of the night before came flooding back and infiltrated his body.

"... Michael..." Brian was more then shocked, he was... slowly dying. Maybe a mild heart attack.

WHAT. The Fuck!?

Michael rolled further over, legs tucking between Brian's. He kept his arms to his chest, cuddling into Brian's heated frame. "You made last night... very worthwhile..." He kissed the spots on Brian's neck where he remembered biting and licking, leaving love marks.

"Eh... what did I do?" Brian REALLY wanted to know what he'd done. Like NOW.

"... so modest." Michael climbed over Brian, dragging the one sheet with him. "I'll meet you in the shower..." He scampered off to race into the bathroom.

The linen only covered so much of Michael's body, leaving his entire backside bare

Brian had to see this. Michael naked... in HIS shower. It was like a dream come true. He raced off as well, but came upon an empty shower stall and an even emptier bathroom.

WHAT... FUCKIN' BULLSHIT was this?

He had half a smirk on his face. Whoa! He pinched himself. "Ow!" Which could mean he was awake.

But then it could also mean he was dreaming he was dreaming and he'd asked himself to pinch himself to make sure he was awake.

As soon as he turned back around to walk back out into his bedroom... he ran smack into the edge of his open door.

Yes... he was awake...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The client hadn't lifted his eyes once from the open file, and stock booklet, he'd been given ten minutes ago. Didn't seem like he was ever going to grace the man talking with his interested stare... or even a mere glare of displeasure.

"Hey!"

"Huh?" Brian turned to look down at the dainty, well-manicured hand on his forearm. The way the feminine touch dared to roll up to his elbow, then halfway up his biceps and back down. Weary hazel eyes raised to connect with sharp, wide green ones.

"You know Warren is tanking. Everyone at this table knows. Would you rather lose yourself in daydreams or save our reputation with our next biggest client?" Cynthia realized a little too late she had made that move of touching Brian whenever she saw he wasn't focusing on the "now". He seemed to do that a lot lately. She bent her head low enough to look as if she wasn't secretly talking to her boss, simply taking notes on her legal pad.

"It's Warren's campaign. It's why I put him in charge. How else am I...?"

"... but you're his BOSS. This is YOUR company. YOUR ass on the line." Cynthia coughed into her fist, then brought her hand to cover her mouth. She was hiding her lip movement. "Not to mention... this guy... your new client... dropped Vangard to come here to you, specifically."

"Did it ever occur to you that I LIKE the threat of competition?"

"Enough to cause the threat of ending a ten million dollar contract?'

"We haven't lost him, yet." Brian took a moment to gaze across the table, reading facial expressions and body language. "He's still captive to my charms and talents..."

Cynthia rolled her eyes, wondering if she should speak out or not. "Sounds like someone we both know."

"What?" Brian furrowed his brow in confusion.

Cynthia almost turned to face Brian, but kept her body facing the table. "Have you always treated clients like Michael?"

"Excuse me?" Brian chuckled, mildly amused. He noticed a few of his employees were getting antsy, even Ted's face looked a little pinched. Like he was seeing ten million dollars flying out the window the more Warren talked.

"You haven't lost him, either, Brian."

"Where the hell did that come from?! I wasn't talking about Michael."

"Yeah. Okay." Cynthia calmly patted Brian's arm near hers. She leaned back in her chair, swinging closer to bang against Brian's arm rest. Her head was close to his ear. "Then... what or who were you daydreaming about, before I woke you up?"

"Nothing..." Brian used the standardized reply to ward anybody from pestering him about his private life. "... and nobody." Unfortunately, Cynthia knew too much already.

"Riiiiiiight. Fine." Cynthia doodled some sketches to make it appear as if she was taking notes of the meeting. She'd stopped about the same time Brian had drifted off. She couldn't let this conversation end or her moment to make her feelings known. "Being married doesn't mean he's fallen out of love with you."

Brian finally turned to face Cynthia, his eyes flashing frustration. "Will you quit, already!" He spoke through tightly clenched smiling teeth.

Cynthia didn't... she went on... "... because it's been very clear to me... to most of your staff here in this room and those few paltry folks you call 'friends'... you miss him and you haven't stopped loving him, as well..."

"Cynthia..." Brian pinched the space between his dark eyebrows, feeling pain surfacing.

"Sorry." Cynthia's hand only touched Brian's thigh for a second of time. She pushed herself into a full spin to right her stance in the chair. "Maybe I overstepped a boundary here, but..."

Brian managed to smile at the employees who gave him fearful looks as he spun he and Cynthia's chairs around to face the wall. He bent low to speak to her. "No... uh, tell me this guy's first name... what's the main product of interest... and tell me something about him no one else knows..."

Cynthia bit her bottom lip to keep from smirking. She knew with just a mention of Michael's name Brian could be motivated into anything. "Buck... percussion and drum gear... and he once shook Elvis Presley's hand through Graceland's front gate, when he was 12 - it's what got him into the music business..."

"Thanks." Brian dug into his suit jacket, pulling out his Blackberry. "Do you mind...? This thing's been vibrating like crazy. Michael's been trying to reach me for three days... could you...?"

"My pleasure..." Cynthia stopped Brian from rising out of his chair, hand tight on his wrist. "Welcome back, boss."

Brian simply glared at her, then hrumphed. He made sure his tie was straight, clearing his throat as he began to speak during the long pause of silence. He got up off his seat, walking around the table. "Appreciate the effort, Warren..." He clamped a comforting hand over Warren's shoulder joint. "... take an early lunch..." He rebuttoned his jacket and stood to face his new client... who had finally lifted his head, hiding a wide grin behind his beefy hand. "... I think... I got this covered..."

A collective breath of heavy sighs echoed around the table... and Ted gulped, feeling his heart go back to beating correctly, dollar signs sparkling in his hesitant smile.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In twenty minutes, Brian's office was cleared of all personnel. He sat alone at his desk, shifting papers from one pile to another. He was skimming more then reading. Only because he'd written half of this crap sometime last week. He hoped a few days and a new week starting would bring about a new insight to his own drabbling. Right now, he felt his head ache and his eyes cross as the words blurred in front of him.

He shut his lids for just a minute... and apparently in that minute in walked Michael.

"I always liked what you do to your offices." Michael giggled softly, letting out a little sigh of pleasure. "Everything is so you... so manly, aggressive and fuckable."

Brian quickly opened his eyes, gazing at Michael as a lone finger was trailed along the wall of books and files. "Wha-? What are you doing here?"

Michael smiled, shifting from the front of his feet to his heels, as if he was prepared to bounce. He tugged on his coat's lapels. "Lunch?" He turned to pull out a huge book from the bookcase. "I closed the store for an hour..." His dark eyebrows wiggled mischievously. "I could be talked into two."

Brian bit his pen. "Two what?"

"Hours, Brian. There's 24 of them in a day... 30/31 days in a month... 12 months, sans Leap Year, in a year..." Michael carried over the Big Legal Mumbo Jumbo book, setting his butt down on Brian's couch. He kicked his feet to prop up on the coffee table. He was flipping through the book as if looking for something important. "Tell me what that thing was again... what you needed me to search for?" He turned his face to smile broadly at Brian.

"I have my laptop, Michael... I can look it..."

 **"Brian..."** Michael spoke to him rather loudly.

"What?" Brian furrowed his brow in befuddlement. "I'm right here."

 **"Brian... look at me..."** Michael's voice didn't sound like his own... it actually sounded rather high-pitched and closer to him then the couch.

"I am..." Brian blinked a couple of times, lifting his head up from the direction of where Michael had been to see it empty.

No one was there. The Big Legal Mumbo-Jumbo book was gone, too. Probably in the bookcase.

"Brian... it's Cynthia..." Cynthia was bending low over the desk top, her blond ringlets dangling over her shoulders.

Brian shook his head and shut his eyes, opening one lid at half mast. "Huh?"

Cynthia was leaning her pelvis on the glass topped desk, her arms crossed over her ample bosom. "When did you hit your head?"

"What?"

"Your left temple." Cynthia demonstrated at her own hairline. "You got a nice red mark there."

"Door got in my way."

"So... fuck doors now?"

Brian laughed without making a sound. "Not funny." He straightened his tie. "Did you call Michael?"

"Yeah. He's got it going to voice mail." Cynthia played with a few objects on Brian's desk.

"What did you say?"

"I didn't say anything. I hung up."

"Cynthia..." Brian covered his face with his hands. "You could have told him SOMEthing."

"What? You sounded like you wanted me to get Michael to TALK... not play phone tag."

"Still... after all these years, haven't I always let you leave him a message? At least to tell him to call me back."

"You didn't give me a message to give him and... your phone number on his caller ID will alert him to call you back. Don't squig out on me, Kinney." Cynthia squinted her eyes to look closely at Brian's face. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah... why?"

"You look... different..." Cynthia couldn't come up with a better word.

Brian raised one eyebrow in perplexity. "How different?"

"Like you've got something on your mind."

"I have Gus the next two days."

"Noooooo... that's not it." Cynthia stared harder, contemplative. "What did you do last night? What was his name? Oh, wait... sorry... you probably don't know that. So... what happened last night?"

"Nothing."

"Yeah... okay... don't tell me."

"No, really. Nothing. I went to Woody's... drank until I could no longer walk on my own, then took a cab home." Brian smiled in a painful way, then went back to looking over the sheets of paper.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Did you get sick?"

"No."

"Did someone get sick on you?"

"No."

"So why did you go home alone?"

"Uh... 'cause when I can't even stand my own company... I don't want to foist it on other people."

"Are you okay?"

"Why do you keep asking me that?"

"Because... you were ON Liberty Avenue... walking through passels of horny gay men, probably rubbing up against you. You went to Woody's, which isn't your usual haunt for a night out. What happened to Babylon? The Backroom? Getting your normal one night stand? Even a blowjob down an alleyway? Nothing?"

Brian simply stared at Cynthia. "What? I can't have an OFF night?"

"An OFF month is more like it."

"Excuse me?"

"I meant it... in the meeting, Brian." Cynthia took the chance to say her peace about Michael to Brian. "I can't help but notice you've gone mute. Whenever his name is mentioned. It's gotten to the point where you don't even have an opinion about him anymore. Why?"

Brian shrugged, not sure what Cynthia wanted to hear from him. "Is it bothering you that much?"

"Brian... do you even see yourself lately? It's just like you're... I don't know... like you've given up on something." Cynthia shrugged one shoulder, hitching one hip on the glass desk.

"I haven't given up." Brian mumbled the words as he avoided all eye contact whatsoever with Cynthia. "I'm just... I'm only... I don't..."

"Repeat after me... **'I'**..."

Brian looked at Cynthia under dark lashes. "What are you making me say?"

"C'mon... it's easy... it's true... and it won't hurt..." Cynthia stretched out her hand. "... Again... **'I'**..."

"... I..." Brian muttered out on a long release of breath.

"... **'miss'**..."

Brian paused in his motions. "... miss..." He could almost assume what would come next.

"... **'my'**..."

Okay... Brian had thought they'd go right to the "name", so what was he going to end up saying and admitting to her? "... my..." His voice was tinged with a bit of question.

"... **'best friend'**..."

Oh... okay... it was still "Michael", but in a different way.

Brian huffed out and leaned back in his chair. Yeah, shit... it was true. "I miss my best friend."

"See. How hard was that to say?" Cynthia smiled sheepishly, liking the fact that even when Brian thought she was predictable she could still shock him. Sometimes, not often.

"Not difficult enough." Brian pursed his lips and went back to picking up his pen and messing with the file folders of his week's worth of ad campaigns. He knew, in certain ways, he was to blame for this weird distance with Michael, but Michael had to take some of the responsibility. He tried to repair the damage, but the reparations he was attempting weren't as sturdy as he once believed.

Michael simply didn't trust him anymore. There was no way he could go back to the beginning and make Michael realize he wasn't making fun or taunting him about his life. His very stable, busy life. Even if it was littered with every relationship attachment of a straight person's lifestyle.

At least Michael had people. Ben, Hunter, Debbie and even Jenny Rebecca. Emmett, Ted and Blake on the off chance they wanted "in" on one of Michael's outings. Everything Michael did these days was "family oriented".

And right now... Brian wasn't feeling very oriented to being familial with anyone.

If he thought about it, Brian really only had Gus... and maybe, Teddy. Lindsay, if she stayed in Pittsburgh longer then a few days, on her way back to Toronto.

Emmett was a lost cause after the last two attempts at boyfriends and long-term relationships. He took Brian's advice too much to heart and the last guy hadn't actually been bad. Brian just didn't like his "shifty eyes", but the truth was... the guy had a weird quirk. Loose muscles in his eye sockets caused one eye to wander away whenever he looked directly at someone. Emmett hated Brian for weeks after that and never wanted to talk to him again. Actually, when Emmett saw Brian in Babylon, he keep at least 50 feet of distance between them. Bad romance "chi".

Brian wasn't just a downer for himself, he was bringing everyone else along with him.

People saw Brian as the sinking Titanic and Michael became everyone's "lifeboat". Brian would've gloated that he finally had some peace and quiet, but... right now... these days... he was wanting to be saved by Michael, as well.

And these damn freakish "daydreams" of Michael weren't helping any.

"I say... call him..." Cynthia threw Brian's Blackberry up in the air and watched him scramble to catch it before it fell and cracked all to pieces. "... grovel... beg for mercy... spit and polish his shoes... do a load of laundry... bake him his favorite cake... take him to Disneyworld. Do whatever you have to do. We've got clients who want to walk out the door once they see your face. And we can't have Warren doing all the pitch meetings, like today. We'll be in the Danger Zone before long with Warren McSweaty Pits for sure."

Brian chuckled softly, knowing how terrible a sight it was to see Warren's under arms pool with sweat as he spoke. Thank God the client never looked up from his portfolio and saw the water damage. "I had no idea I'd gotten so bad."

"You haven't. I've known you since we both started at Ryder, Brian. It's like we're... uh, twins... who look nothing alike..." Cynthia started snapping her fingers, at a loss of the exact word to use.

Michael was back on the couch, Big Legal Mumbo-Jumbo book on his lap. **"Fraternal twins."**

Brian glanced over and smirked at Michael, then looked at Cynthia, who looked curious to what exactly happened over her left shoulder to make Brian smile so brightly. "Uh... do you mean... fraternal twins, Cynthia?"

"Why yes I do, Brian." Cynthia was a little scared to take the chance of looking, so she slid off the desk and stood on both feet. "What are your plans for tonight?"

Brian shaped the center of his desk. "All this. Take it home and hone the best parts to make them better."

"And...?"

"And... what?"

"That's it?!"

"Why? Is there something you need me to do?"

"You'll have Gus..."

"Yeah... for, like, a day and a half. Well, not likely since I'm working tomorrow, as well."

"What will the girls do with Jenny?"

"I don't know. Sell her on the black market."

"Brian!"

"What?!"

"Ask Michael to come over. Give the siblings a play date together."

"They LIVE together, Cynthia. They need some time apart."

"Like you think you and Michael need?"

"When did you suddenly decided to pimp me out to Michael?"

"Since you started moping around the office and screwing with my heart."

"Huh?"

"Look..." Cynthia sighed heavily, almost stomping her high-heeled foot. "... I know you probably don't feel the same way about me as I feel about you... but I care. I care more then you'd like to know. And ever since... ever since Babylon was... well, you know... and even way before that... you've seemed Not Like Your Kinney Self. And though I loathe the very ground he walks over me on... I fuckin' miss him, Brian." She bent low, hands gripped on the desk ledge. "You break my fuckin' heart, Kinney. So you tried. You tried to do what Michael did... and it wasn't for you. Justin left, found a life for himself in New York and now... what?"

"What?"

"No." Cynthia blew out her breath in tufts, running fingers through her curls in frustration. God Damn... this was tough! "I'm asking you... Now what are you planning to do?"

"About?" Brian stretched the word out into almost three syllables.

"Michael."

"He's married."

"Never stopped you before."

"He's happy."

"Is he?" Cynthia raised one dark blond eyebrow in question. "You haven't talked to him in weeks. Maybe even months by the strength of your melancholy."

"Holy shit, woman!" Brian had his own limits to be exasperated by Cynthia's need to involve herself in his social calendar. "If you like Michael so much why don't YOU... break up his perfectly sound marriage?"

"How do you even know?"

"Know what?"

"How 'perfectly sound' his marriage is or isn't?"

"Maybe I don't want to know."

"Maybe you're too chicken shit to find out."

"I can find out."

"Oh yeah. When?"

"Today."

"When today? When it's slowly slipping into tomorrow?"

Brian lifted up his left arm, index finger pointed toward the door. "Out. Now. I'm done talking with you."

Cynthia exhaled air out through her nostrils. "I'm not done here. Not by a long shot. You play one more day like you did this morning... and I'm on you like an unreachable pimple in the crack of your white-bred ass."

Brian wriggled in his seat, causing his chair to roll around at the thought of a pimple there and it being damn irritating. His eyes flicked over to catch Michael... now laying on the couch. He was on his back, the big book blocking his face. One leg was bent at the knee, the left leg was folded. Ankle crossing over knee to let the book rest on his lap. Brian bit at his thumb, watching Michael flip through the book, licking his fingers to turn the thin pages.

"Brian..." Cynthia was waving a hand in front of Brian's face. "... where did you go?"

"Why? Was I gone long?"

"No..." Cynthia looked over her shoulder to the empty couch. In her head she said, "You simply look like you see someone you miss very much.". She wondered if Brian even knew how he looked when he drifted off like this. "Make the call, Kinney." She quickly turned on her heels and headed for the door.

"Will do."

"I have ways of checking." Cynthia opened the door and said the words over her shoulder.

"I'm sure you do."

"And call Lindsay. She left a message about picking up Gus this afternoon."

"Thanks, Cynthia. Buh-bye." Brian walked up out of his chair, moving to close the glass door and lock it behind Cynthia. He pulled down the shade from the top to make it completely private for himself. He moved away from the door to shuffle down and lock the other door, past the boardroom table, but Michael had already locked it.

Wait... because Michael was obviously a figment of his imagination... was it really locked?

As Brian walked forward, so did FigmentMichael and they bumped chests. Brian felt his hips being grabbed roughly hips, deft hands tucking under his suit jacket.

Michael stood up on tippy toes to kiss Brian, mouth sliding off to the side. "Alone at last." His hands slid up Brian's shirt to wrap around his neck, fingers sifting through dark brown strands. "I thought she'd never leave."

Brian closed his eyes, cleared his throat and let the fantasy take over. "All you had to do was ask." Oh... who cared about the fuckin' door being locked... this wasn't really happening anyway.

Just a fantasy come true. Dreams were now Brian's reality.

"No... thank you..." Michael slipped Brian out of his tie, unbuttoning downward. "... I prefer to... take, take and take..." At each pledge of "take", Michael kissed a tender kiss-train down Brian's bare chest, spreading open the button-down shirt and jacket. He hurriedly undid the belt, button and zipper. His mouth back on Brian's, he cupped both sides of his head, a five-fingered spread caressing the hair and face. "Where?"

"Table." Brian mumbled and gestured with the flick of his head. By the time Brian made it over, FigmentMichael had already jumped on the table's surface. His jeans down around his ankles and his undershorts somewhere mid-thigh. "... here... let me..." Brian tugged everything down, watching the impressive stiff erection spring forth. He leaned forward and proceeded to pin the small body back on to the flat surface.

Everything sped up... time, space, air, even breathing... until there was nothing but them... and utter silence... and two hearts beating in tandem...

FigmentMichael came, while Brian was still pounding inside of him. Once satiated, they both lay completely still, afraid to move.

All Brian heard was three little words in his ear. **_"... I love you..."_**

Brian opened his eyes to find himself at the head of his boardroom table... STILL dressed, but heavily breathing. He was clutching the table ledge in both hands, stretched out and head bent low in thought. His heart nearly raced out of his chest. He sat down and noticed that his Blackberry was clutched in his hand.

Fuck! Time to call Michael... and leave some crappy "Call me later" message.

Why did he feel like such a loser?

He soothed a hand over the welt on his skin, hoping he didn't have a concussion and pass out some time today.

When he looked up, FigmentMichael was laying on the boardroom table top, fully clothed. He appeared fully satiated and spent.

"What are you doing?" Michael rolled over to lay his head down on his crossed arms.

Brian smiled widely, reaching out to touch FigmentMichael. "Calling you."

Michael's face never showed one ounce of feeling except happiness and smiles, like intense light. "How can I answer my phone when I'm right here?"

Brian stuck his tongue out at his subconscious giving FigmentMichael some witty sarcastic dialogue.

"Leave a message." Michael tucked his cheek into the folds of his arms. "I still have one more hour with you." He moved around on the table as if he was ready for another good fucking session. "I do, Brian." He spoke as if he'd been asked a question or responding to something Brian said out loud. Problem was even Brian's own thoughts now were being vocalized in odd ways.

Brian was hearing RealMichael's recorded voice in his ear. "Huh?"

Michael blinked and smiled broadly. "I love you... why wouldn't I be missing you?" He slinked over toward Brian, grabbing under his chin and dragging him over, to be closer.

"How did you...?" Brian cleared his throat, pulling away from FigmentMichael to speak to RealMichael. "Hey, uh... Mikey... uh... sorry, Michael... just... well, this is weird. I know we haven't hung out or seen one another lately, but I was hoping to reach you to fix up a time we could..." He pinched the space between his eyebrows. "Fuck! What I'm trying to say is..." He looked over at FigmentMichael and touched the face with one finger, tracing slopes and ridges he'd known for years. "... I fuckin' miss you. I just... I just do. Miss you. Call me... you know... so we can... do something. If you want... bye..." He quickly hung up and hung his head low. He felt the brush of soft hair on his cheek, the tiny peck of lips on his jaw.

Jesus, that was lame.

"That wasn't lame, Brian." Michael caressed Brian's face and purred comforting words in his ear as he grabbed his jacket lapels. "It was perfectly... you..."

"Shut up... and kiss me..." Brian figured if he had FigmentMichael here for as long as he did... why not utilize his time until the real thing came along?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Hullo? Anybody?" Brian peeked around the front door he was slowly opening. He had been informed, when he called ahead, that if no one answered to just come in. He already knew where the spare key was on the front porch. The door was unlocked when he rang the bell. "I'm here... Lindsay?!" He slammed the door shut behind him, taking off his jacket and hanging it off the stair's railing. "Melanie?! Somebod-...!?"

The creaking of the hall floor could be heard. "Be down in a minute, Brian!" Lindsay's voice yelled down to him. "Just packing Gus' things! Could you round him up for me? I think he's outside... playing..." Her voice was going in and out in the distance.

Brian had his hand on the railing, tilting his head to glance up the stairs. "Round him up? What is he... cattle?" He loosened his tie, then began rolling his sleeves up to his elbows. Once he glanced upwards, he caught sight of a dark head peeking over the child-proof gate.

Jenny Rebecca was curious to whom was visiting and bored by being kept from tumbling down the stairs.

Brian played a little "peek-a-boo" game that caused the little girl to gurgle and giggle, grabbing the wooden slats like prison bars as she sunk to the hardwood floor waiting to be released.

"Cowboy!" Lindsay yelled back in response.

"Cowboy?"

"Or Indian... not sure... he's should be out back..."

"... okay..." Brian was already on his way past the foyer and into the kitchen to head toward the back door.

"... with Michael..."

Brian paused at the sound of that name. Michael? He backtracked only a few steps. "Michael's here?"

Lindsay was passing down the hallway, picking up toys along the way. "Yeah..." She blew the long bangs out from her face. "Mel and I will finally get a weekend to ourselves. I'm getting Jenny Rebecca ready, as well."

"I'm leaving... so stop talking to me..." Brian found his way to the backyard quickly. He started chuckling as he saw exactly what predicament Michael had gotten himself into. He was being willingly roped and tied to one of the swingset's metal post. Brian cleared his throat, crossing his arms behind his back as he slowly approached his son. "Why... Deputy Gus..." He could clearly see the "badge" on Gus' clothes. "... thank the Lord you've caught the murderin' fiend before our whole herd disappeared." His eyes never left Michael's mode of dress, biting his lips to keep from snickering.

"Sheriff... see..." Gus showed off his plastic badge, hooked onto his black pleather vest. He was circling Michael's form, bent to his knees on the dirty ground. Gus stopped at one point, clasping Michael's shoulder. "This here is..." He lowered his mini-Stetson-ed head to speak into Michael's ear. "... what did you say your name was?"

"uhm... Dances... uh, Dances With Chickens." Michael muttered under his breath, looking away from Brian.

"Hehehehehehehe..." Gus giggled, nodding his head as he tightened his fake knots at Michael's lower spine. "... chickens... that's still funny..."

"Gus!" Lindsay yelled from an open window on the second floor. "C'mon! Get inside and wash up! Get some clean clothes on... and let Uncle Michael go..."

Father and son stared at one another.

Gus sighed, shaking his head.

Brian crossed his arms low, over his stomach. "That your wife?"

Gus couldn't help smiling, knowing his father was willing to keep up the silly, playful charade. "Dinner must be ready. She doesn't like me tieing up the Indians in the yard."

Michael couldn't help finding that funny, neither could Brian.

Brian rubbed at his chin. "They do tend to become time consuming. I can watch this heathen savage for you."

Gus took off all his play clothes, handing everything to his father to replace him as "Sheriff". "Be gentle." He latched onto his father's biceps. "She tried to gut me with her knife." He pointed to a harmless plastic knife laying in the grass. "She's with child... but she's still dangerous." He nodded his head, passing the torch over to his father as he left the backyard to enter the house.

Brian opened his mouth.

"Don't." Michael closed his eyes in humiliation. Figures after days of not seeing Brian... THIS would be the time they reconnect. "Speak and I'll..."

"HOW!" Brian held up his two palms to show he meant no harm, everything dropped to the ground. "You are safe with me, Indian Princess... Dances With Chickens..."

"Stop... laughing... and..." Michael fought against his ropes. He didn't like how they wouldn't loosen. Gus had promised he wouldn't tie real knots he'd been learning in Boy Scouts.

"Wait! I need to know..." Brian tried to keep a straight face. "... is the baby your husband's or... were you knocked up by the Sheriff? I think he quite fancied you."

Michael banged his head back on the metal post, just wanting to be free of the rope. "I didn't even know I was female, let alone pregnant. Gus is a creative child, quite intelligent. I'm finding out something new, like... every three minutes..."

Brian neared Michael, still unable to move from his kneeling position on the ground. He flicked one of the hair pieces on Michael's shoulder. "I like the pig tails, Pippy."

Michael rolled his eyes, averting his head from Brian's touch. "Braids... with a ceremonial headband." He hung his head, looking down at the rope. Wow... he really couldn't move all that much. "I suppose... if I'd chosen the ceremonial Indian headdress, I'd be Chief... and childless..." He squinted, looking directly up at Brian. "Well..."

Brian went back to crossing his arms over his chest. "Well... what?"

"Are you gonna help untie me or keep me captive forever?"

 _Oooooo... so tempting..._

Brian felt his heart nearly clench tight. He was having an extremely difficult time answering that question without revealing the truth. A truth he'd been living with for much this entire day, some from late last night. His dream-like state meshing and melting into his reality.

Had he ever really stopped loving Michael? Had it simply been pushed aside to allow Michael some ounce of happiness, not supplied by his own hands and heart? He tried to move on, attempt to forage some kind of life away from Michael. He learned all too quickly what kind of trap he'd set for himself and Justin.

Justin had barely enough time to breathe before Brian was willing to suck him into his settled world, possibly drag him down with him. He had to give Justin the opportunities never given to him. Life had so many more choices then what was limited in Pittsburgh, Brian knew that for a fact.

But what he hadn't realized was... his one dream of New York had always been sprinkled with moments of Michael. Not Justin. The only pleasure from being IN New York would have been to watch Michael experience living there with him. Not Justin. And not having Michael there wouldn't make the times spent alone, or with someone else, peaceful at all. And that wasn't fair to Justin.

What he learned most of all was that sometimes goals and dreams change, the more he changed and grew older. Even now, he felt himself shifting, rearranging the thoughts and feelings in his mind.

Today wasn't half bad, finding Michael's image coming through every time he thought about him, when the thoughts were genuine and the affection stronger then ever. He could actually see himself enjoying a time when Michael would always be in his life, more then before.

Living together, sleeping together, spending every waking moment together.

The thing that frightened him the most was what the sex between them would be like, hoping the moment wouldn't ruin what they already had. He, also, didn't want to disappoint Michael, fall short of heightened expectations. Not that he couldn't deliver when it counted, but that... was Michael prepared for this type of change to their dynamic? Did he even want the kind of sex Brian could offer him?

Brian had often dreamed about it, letting it carry him through many nights with and without some body in his bed. But the "Michael" in his head was his own creation. His ideal of who Michael was through his eyes and from his heart.

The Real Michael tended to put the fear of God in him.

 **"Are you gonna help untie me or keep me captive forever?"**

Forever? Nice concept. Brian could deal with forever.

With words like that asked of him, Brian also had an entirely different scenario playing in his head. One of submissiveness and dominance. But lately he had to ask himself... "If he had to choose which one to be, would he make Michael his willing slave or would HE be the one begging for the fulfillment of pleasure?"

 _Maybe if they'd been indoors, somewhere else, not here... another time, another predicament... Brian would have responded to Michael's question with some quick wit._

 _Maybe if this had really been born of his dream and fantasies... Michael would have been completely naked. Or better yet... his underwear torn from his body... tied to a chair... NO! A high bed post, connected to a canopy shape frame. Pale, dark-haired arms strung above his raven hair..._

 _Maybe Brian would have tied the restraints loose enough to allow Michael to twist about, front to back. Brian preferring the back view... the thin stretch of fabric that was once Michael's underwear having been ripped apart to expose his bare bottom... and beneath the scrotum... just a hint of hard cock in the-_

 **"Brian..."**

 _In his dream, Michael begged on a soft moan of erotic desire..._

In reality, Michael watched Brian stand before him, looming above and reaching down to cup his face. It wasn't the touch that bothered him as much as the smoldering fire in his eyes. If he lowered his eyes, Brian's crotch in his trousers would be level. That wasn't what he wanted to gaze intently at right now.

 _... maybe Brian would approach, hands sliding up from a tight waist, over sculpted muscles and bones to catch the bound wrists... one hand clutching the roped hands, the other palm slipping between the well-rounded cheeks... opening the crack just wide enough to play with the puckered skin of the pulsing opening..._

 **"Brian..."**

 _In his dream, Michael offered himself to Brian's bidding... adding enough of a groan to suggest the need to fuck his tight hole..._

In reality, the closer Brian drew near the more Michael called out for him to focus on his face. Hazel eyes stared, but they looked through him, as if in another world. He arched back to avoid too much contact. Brian was overstepping A LOT of boundaries. This was too much all at once, after such a long absence in one another's lives.

What the hell was going on with Brian? Why now?!?!

 _... maybe after a few minutes of preparation, Brian would quickly slide into Michael's slick entrance... penetrating with hard thrusts, causing Michael to buck wildly against his forced imprisonment... what remained of his underwear, was somewhat still attached in the front, continuing to restrain the growing erection... the cock would thicken, laying to the side of the left hip, nearly popping out of what was left of the elastic band... pre-cum caking the cotton material as Brian continued to pound away... two hands now gripping the delicate waist beneath him... one hand tracing a line to palm the heated length under the-..._

 **"BRIAN!"** Michael almost had to shout to Heaven and back, from wherever Brian had gone for these last few minutes.

All the feelings and emotions from the vivid daydream came rushing back, causing Brian to falter and crumble to his knees before Michael's eyes.

To Michael, it looked as if Brian was about to play a cruel game of **_"See How Much I Can Touch And Make You Want Me, But Not Follow Through"_**... and Michael didn't want to play that game anymore.

"Brian... no... don't..." Michael watched those deft hands sink to wrap around his frame. Brian was attempting to undo the knots, while reaching around him from the front. This plastered their chests together, making their faces mere inches apart. Michael moaned under his throat, eyes shutting softly. He took a hard swallow of courage. "... not like this... please..."

Brian didn't like the sorrow-filled tone begging to not be toyed with, but he couldn't help himself. Being this close to Michael was intoxicating. "You want out, don't you?"

"Yeah..." Michael voice sounded winded and tired. This was really the last thing he needed to make his day more craptastic. "... but there's an easier way to accomplish this..." He figured if he kept his face forward, his nose brushed Brian's throat, banging his Adam's apple. His lips skimmed the loosened knot of Brian's tie. He could smell the leftover cologne and the tobacco with Brian's own musky scent throughout the day. But if he turned his head left or right, his cheek would lay on Brian's upper chest and collar bone.

Whichever way Michael chose, he could feel Brian's bodily heat, felt those arms envelope his frame, slightly, and the fingers trying to undo the tight binds. The soft grunts didn't help, either.

Brian suddenly began to realize how long it had been since he'd been a few inches in front of Michael. Now there was barely space to spare between them. Michael's hair was sweeping under his chin, causing his flesh to tingle. " I was never a great Boy Scout." The late afternoon breeze whipping some strands over his lips. "I think I may have bought my Knot Badge from Tommie Kessner."

"Liar." Michael grumbled under his breath, clearing his throat. "You've never been bad at anything. Except when you want something you can't have." He didn't mean it to sound like HE was the something Brian couldn't have. Really, it was whatever Brian wanted to hear.

Brian stopped what he was doing, glancing down at Michael. Hazel eyes nearly drowned in brown. "You think I'm stalling... because I feel like torturing you?"

Michael shook his head. "I think..." He watched Brian back off him a few inches, looking down as he glared up, a bit perturbed. "... you feel maligned in some manner. And you need me to see the error of MY ways in order to talk to me again."

Brian sat on the backs of his calves, sinking down to make eye contact with Michael. "Is there something you'd like to say to me?"

"No. You?" Michael lifted one dark eyebrow in curiosity.

"No. Not particularly." Brian crossed his arms over his chest, glaring at Michael.

"Okay then... so walk around to the back and untie me. Let's get this over with and let me be on my way." Michael tried to get all he wanted said out in one hurried breath.

Brian was finding it impossible to concentrate on the knot, being near to Michael. There was so much undiscussed between them that needed to be said. This was the first time in months they'd been together, like this, alone. It was a rare opportunity indeed. "I didn't know you'd be here. I would've come at a later time, but Linds called..."

"It's fine." Michael worked himself high on the pole to stop bending on his knees and seated his ass on the freshly mowed lawn.

"Apparently... it's not..." Brian gestured to Michael's indifference and pissy attitude.

"Look... we haven't talked in weeks. How were you to know I'd be here? Bygones."

Brian furrowed his brow in confusion. "Why... when you say it, do you make it sound like this has all been my fault?"

"What's your fault?" Michael wasn't confused, he simply wanted to know exactly what Brian was talking about.

"The... not-seeing, not-talking, not-calling relationship we seem to have developed." Brian shrugged one shoulder, looking away. "Not my fault you've grown distant from me."

"ME?!" Michael fought against his ropes, then sighed when he realized how silly he looked. "Why am I the one labeled cold and unfeeling, when YOU were the one who picked the fight with ME?"

"That's just it. It wasn't a fight. I..."

"... spoke a truth you'd been feeling for years about me?!" Michael saw Brian reach out with only one hand, but he played it like he was moving to embrace him. "Don't touch me!" He almost kicked Brian in the stomach. "Go in the house and get some fuckin' scissors!!"

"No." Brian sat back a bit further, since Michael was now in some kicking fetish.

"Brian..." Michael groaned, hanging his head, letting his chin fall to his chest.

"Not until you understand something."

Michael lifted his head, opening his lids gradually. "What is there left to understand?" He shrugged both shoulders. "We both want different things out of life. We're both tired of each other's bullshit. Just because we're best friends doesn't mean we have to be in one another's life... all the time."

"Michael... stop..."

"No! Because I DO understand. I understand more then you think. Poor, pathetic Mikey... has some brain cells to spare on this one..."

"Michael, be quiet..."

"Why?! So you can run all over me and my choices in life? Just because they happen to NOT be the same ones you'd make for yourself? I'm sure you can't wait to tell me how wrong I am to want the things I want and how right you are to keep doing the things you do to be happy..."

"Will you please... shut the fuck up..."

"Oh, believe me, I'm just getting started..."

Brian held his arms out wide. "What the hell did I do that was so wrong?! What have I said that I haven't said to you a billion times before?!"

Michael tried to control his breathing and his heart racing. "It might have sounded the same to you in your head, but it sure sounded different through my ears." He sighed, leaning his head back, exposing his pale throat on a long swallow. "Look... if this has become some ingenious idea you have to get me to talk to you, listen to your sob story, all you had to do was call me. You also know where I eat, most days... where I work and where I live."

Brian held out one hand to make Michael stop. "Do you know if this Sheriff's Kit came with a gag?"

"No... I don't think..." Michael moved his head from side to side. "... ha-ha, very funny..."

"Got you to smile... a little..." Brian pointed at the faint grin on Michael's lips.

"Fuck you."

"Nice mouth."

"You've heard it before. Nothing new."

"I used to kiss it, when it said bad things to me."

"Years ago."

"Not so long ago. And you liked it."

"Not only did you like the kiss, as well, but you liked me. That's all changed now."

"I did... and I do... and I still do LIKE you."

"No, you don't. Things have shifted, words were spoken and feelings got hurt. There's no reason to go back, only to move forward."

Brian was the one who swallowed now, suddenly afraid. "You can forget me that easily?"

"That's not..." Michael looked over at Brian, realizing what that had sounded like to his own ears. "... I'm not saying that."

"Sure sounds like it. If you and I don't go back into the past, then what have we been doing for 20yrs?"

"Biding time for the next phases of our lives?"

"Like WE never existed?"

"Brian... don't..." Michael could see Brian crawl across the grass toward him.

"Hey..." Brian snickered roughly. "... I get it. Message received, loud and clear." He walked as far around Michael as he could, working at the double knot Gus had made. "Sorry, I wasted your time." He kept himself on the ground long enough to grab up all of Gus' toys, then decided to move quickly away to re-enter the house.

Michael remained seated, rubbing his wrists in his palms. He watched Brian walk around in silence. Michael used the pole at his back to lift his body up, feeling awkward at standing around with Brian and not knowing what to say next. How to make small talk and idle chatter. "Look, Brian, I..."

Brian swiveled and was heading toward the back door.

Michael stood in stunned silence, guilt was weighing heavy. Things would be better this way. It was what he wanted. So why feel so bad for making it happen? Like he wanted to take everything he'd said back, apologize for speaking his feelings. He heard Jenny's cry and her laughter, suddenly his whole demeanor perking up. At least someone still loved him, liked him being around them.

The minute Michael entered the house he knew he'd come back into contact with Brian. He was intent on only one thing... his daughter. He'd grab all her things to bring her to her second home. He hoped to avoid Brian, that he'd simply pick up Gus, the bags and be on his own way.

No such luck.

 

 **  
~~TBC...  
**


	2. Chapter 2

The second he walked through the living room... there stood Brian, Jenny high above his head. He was tossing her up and catching her. Both of them chuckling in some goofy manner.

Michael had to pause. The sight of Brian enjoying a baby, especially a girl... was fascinating. No... there was something else...

On Brian's right wrist, as his shirt had been rolled back, there was a cowry shell bracelet. Not the old one. This one was revamped. It looked just as cheap and shoddy as the other one. So... why was Brian wearing it and not some $1000 dollar watch?

Brian had felt Michael's eyes on him as he walked in. Brian felt he shouldn't ignore Jenny when she'd made the effort to crawl his way. So he picked her up and... she stared at him with Michael's brown eyes, one millisecond away from laughter. A toothless grin. He recalled those days Michael used to look at him with those same wide eyes.

The trust, the willingness to be open... and, maybe at one time, the love, given unconditionally. Now, not so much anymore.

Michael held out his hands as he walked over. "Here... I'll take her."

Brian tucked Jenny on his hip, under his left arm. "No. Leave her be. I'll help you put her in the car."

Michael bit his top lip, wanting to refuse. To do all this on his own. Why not? He was going to have to get used to this way of life soon. "Brian, you don't..."

"No. Sure, I didn't used to, but now I do." Brian turned his face into Jenny's palm, letting her pat his cheek. It almost looked like a Debbie Swat. He chuckled for Jenny's sake, not really feeling much like laughing from the inside out, just surface humor.

"Okay. Fine."

"Good."

"I'll lead the way then."

"Peachy."

"Great."

"Well, c'mon... let's hop two, Magellan."

Michael rolled his eyes, pacing to the overnight bag and the diaper bag. Lindsay always packed too much stuff. He had plenty of things for Jenny at the house. But somewhere Lindsay had heard that a baby growing up between two households would need support. It was important to bring a few items from each home so the transitions got smoother each time. They were lucky with Jenny. She was an extremely happy, satisfied baby, who enjoyed the company of people. She did, though, know how to endure peace and quiet, too.

If Michael had to guess, Jenny preferred his home over this one, only because with her father she didn't have to share with another child. Except when Michael babysat Gus from time to time.

Michael walked through the front door, made it across the front lawn and out to the curb where his car was parked along the sidewalk. He had unlocked all the doors, placing the overnight and Jenny's diaper bag in the trunk. He felt like he should be doing something or at least talking to Brian. He didn't know what was a safe bet anymore or what topic would or wouldn't set Brian off in a tiff. So he kept his distance and remained quiet, but watching how Brian interacted with Jenny made him pine for a time when he could accept Brian back into his life again. He offered only a simple "Thanks" when Brian was done strapping Jenny into her car seat. Michael was standing in the doorway of the driver's side, one arm hanging off the framework.

Brian shut the passenger door, waving at Jenny as she waved back like her wrist was broken. He chuckled, shaking his head. He didn't like this silence between he and Michael. So he threw Michael a "bone", just for old time's sake.

One arm secure about the tiny waist, Brian hefted Michael off his feet and brought their lips together. There wasn't anything hot or sinfully sexy about the kiss, just the strong pressure of permanence. The fact that it felt like that old form of possession Brian usually used to claim Michael as HIS.

Brian drew away, then turned and walked back across the lawn to return to the house.

Michael was speechless to say the least, his body churning anew for those old feelings of love and affection. He wanted to call Brian back, redo the kiss to see if there was more there. He reached up to touch his mouth, feeling the hum as he sat down behind the wheel.

He couldn't do this now. There was too much to talk about, not enough time to catch up in such little time together. Time he knew Brian felt was better spent fucking a no-name trick, who meant nothing at all to him and his life.

For once, Michael had wished he and Brian could be strangers again, meeting for the first time. Never having the history they had together. This was all too hard for him to cope with, much harder doing this alone then he thought. He started the ignition, letting the car idle for a few minutes before he drove off.

Was it all so easy like Brian seemed to be playing at? To just let the past go and move on? To forgive and forget, simply remembering the good times and working out your differences because THAT's what made their relationship work? Being so different and complimenting one another.

Michael was ten times more different then Brian, then with Ben. So why was his marriage to Ben so difficult to mend when it broke... like it was doing now?

Michael drove away, catching one last sight of Brian and Gus on the way to their car.

Christ... what a mess...

One last thought filtered through Michael's mind, "I wish I still had a best friend to call." He cleared his throat, wiping under one eye and leaning on the window.

Thank God he was alone with Jenny for the next few days. Last thing he wanted was a crowded house of family and friends. No one knew about his marital problems with Ben and that was the way it would be for awhile. Until Michael knew exactly what was about to change in his life... one last time...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When Brian was finally able to crawl into his bed, Gus asleep on his makeshift bed on the couch, he literally fell like a tree being chopped down in the woods. He face planted into his pillows and didn't feel like coming up for anything.

He felt the movement, the shift of another body in bed with him and glanced over to see FigmentMichael laying aligned with him. His dark head on Brian's pillow.

Michael reached up to brush back the dark brown bangs, curling the strands behind an ear lobe. "You look so tired. Why don't you rest awhile?"

"Do you really think it's over between us?" Brian shuffled about to lay on his cheek into the plushness. He brought his right arm up to curve about his head.

Michael smirked, shaking his head. "I'm stung... hurt by your sting. You're not an easy man to forget, Brian." He bent low to nuzzle noses with Brian. "Don't give up on me, huh. I can be a bear, too. Or a bitty lion cub..." He swiped Brian's forearm with his non-existent claws.

"Everything you said today was right, though."

"Because it was something you remember saying to yourself."

"You know me better then anyone. That's why it hurts to be near... and hurts when you don't want me close. Hurts worse when you strike back." Brian sighed, closing his eyes, loving the feel of FigmentMichael petting through his hair. He was finding a pleasant slumber.

"Brian..." Michael whispered near Brian's ear.

"Hmmm...?" Brian only raised his eyebrows, not opening his lids.

"This is good... what we have? Being together... like this?"

Brian's eyes shot open. "Why? You want more?" Wow... even his FigmentMichael could get demanding. He was more prone to believe this was his subconscious testing him, wanting him to fail to prove a valid point.

"I want you. I'm sure that will be enough... for now..." Michael curled into Brian's frame, pulling the blankets up over their tangled bodies. "... Brian..."

Brian was drifting off again. "Huh?"

"Your phone's ringing."

"What?" Brian flipped over onto his back, finding himself alone again. Damn... moving to answer his cell phone... fuck... "Talk! This better be good..." He wiped a hand across his forehead.

"Brian..."

Brian sat stiff for a minute. Michael? "Mik-... wha-?"

"Uh... I'm sorry to be calling you so late, but... I, uh, didn't know who else to turn to..." Michael sniffled, covering his mouth and swiping away his tears.

"Stop! Don't!" Brian bent his knees and brought them to his chest. "You called, I answered... let it go. What's wrong?"

"I, uh... I'm at the hospital... in the ER..."

"Shit! Mich-..." Brian placed a hand over his eyes, not realizing it was shaking.

"NO! No... not me... I'm okay..."

"Ben?" Brian moved his hand down to caress his upper chest.

"Jenny."

"God Dammit! Michael..." Brian flew back to land on the mattress, an arm thrown over his face. "Let me bundle Gus up... and I'll be right there. Don't move." He was ready to hang up.

"NO! Wait! Shit! I forgot you had Gus. Then... don't worry. Stay home. Leave him be. I'll be fine."

"Don't."

"Don't?"

"Don't deny me this, Michael. Please..." Brian swallowed, soothing his hand down his body. "You haven't needed me for much in the last few months. It's nice to be back in your good graces again."

"Who told you I stopped needing you?"

"Huh?"

"You were my life for half of my existence. I'll always need you, in some capacity. That will never stop."

"Michael, let's not..." Brian didn't want to fight over the phone.

"Look, if Gus pitches a fit, you call me. I'll understand if you can't be here."

"Jenny is Gus' sister. He's gonna want to know anyway." Brian then began to think about why Jenny was in the ER. "She's not, uh..."

"God, no! I wouldn't be able to make this phone call if she was worse off then I already know."

Brian quickly rolled out of bed, heading to his closet for some shoes, maybe some socks. "I'm half dressed. I'll be there in a few minutes."

"I'll be waiting."

Brian couldn't help snickering, shaking his head. "I know you will, you always do." He cleared his throat, hoping he knew what to say in times like these. "She'll be fine, Michael."

"I know. Me and hospitals just don't get along."

"So we'll wallow in misery together." Brian sat down on his bed and donned socks and sneakers. He quickly put on his t-shirt one arm at a time, still managing to stay on the phone.

Michael coughed, sniffled again. "Thanks, Brian. I appreciate..."

"Stop that right now. You'd do the same for me if it were Gus."

"Yeah..." Michael laughed outright, feeling lightheaded. "... I would. I'll see you soon, Brian."

"Yes... yes, you will." Brian plopped both feet on the hardwood floor. What else was there to say, but "goodbye"? "Don't forget... Gus and I... we love you... and, uh... Jenny..." He smacked his own forehead, forgetting the welt on his skin. "... ow..."

"Wha-? Brian, I..." Michael wasn't expecting those words to be said, just a normal "goodbye".

"... uh... gotta go... bye!"

"Wait!"

Brian hung up and threw his phone over his shoulder. "Oh, Christ!"

Michael rolled over to curve around Brian's back, embracing him from behind. "Stop worrying. I've known for years." He kissed a spot on Brian's neck he liked. "But saying it out loud does hit me quite awkwardly... in a nice, comfy, fuzzy way..."

"I said it... in the heat of the moment..."

Michael placed his head on Brian's shoulder. "Are you telling me you love me only during stressful situations?"

"No. I'm just..." Brian threw up his hands in defeat, tucking them between his knees. "You're the one who usually says it when bad shit happens. Maybe I reacted because of that."

"Or maybe..." Michael stretched out the two words.

"What?"

"... you really do love me. Just to love me."

"I gotta go." Brian got off the bed, turned and found no one laying on the mattress or under the sheets. He ran shaking fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes and heard one last jumble of words.  
 ** _  
"... go... I'll wait for you... always..."_**

Brian groaned and walked over to wake Gus up. He'd let him wear his pajamas, putting socks and shoes on. He wrapped Gus up in a heavy quilt, carrying him in his arms. He locked up and left the loft in the next 5 minutes.

On the drive over, Brian had to do some quick thinking to explain his outburst to Michael...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

... pretty much all Brian had was... **"I meant every single fuckin' word."**

For some reason Brian had an idea he'd be confronted by Ben. He tried to prepare himself for the Great Wall of Bruckner, but didn't see the man anywhere near Michael. He figured Ben would be stuck to Michael's side. But then... Michael DID say he didn't have anyone to turn to... so what was going on?

The minute Brian and Gus walked through the automatic doors, Michael was pacing through crowds of people. He had been on the lookout for father and son. It amazed him how busy this place was so early in the morning, on a weekday. He held out his arms for the little boy. "Here... I'll take him." He didn't know if he wanted a barrier placed between him and Brian or if he actually needed the small comfort of Gus' tiny arms. What he was sure of was that the minute Brian touched him... he'd be a basket case.

"Nah, I got him, Michael." Brian reached out to cup Michael's cheek, finding that once he caressed the pale, flushed skin Michael kind of melted into his hand.

Michael gripped onto Brian's wrist, hanging on tight. "I feel bad. You both look tired. And I know I woke Gus out of a dead sleep... what about you?"

"Shut up. Don't worry. You needed me. You called. I'm here." Brian tucked Michael under his arm, holding him in a barely-there hug. Gus was a big boy, taking up most of Brian's chest. He almost had no room for Michael.

"Yeah... you're here." Michael brought up a hand to touch Brian's face, watching him turn into the palm. "I can't believe you agreed to show up."

"Why?" Brian furrowed his brow in curiosity.

"Well, this afternoon... I might have been a little curt."

"Curt? A little? If you were a flame, I would've been scorched."

Michael lightly chuckled, staring down at the floor in shame. "Sorry."

"Don't be."

"I used to think we were stronger then this... bullshit..."

"Maybe our separate 'bullshit' has relevance. We're both right, but we said it all wrong."

"And... maybe we needed time apart to know that what we have together is precious and special."

"Yeah..." Brian resettled Gus on his chest. "Can I...?" He looked around the waiting room. "Is there somewhere I can lay him down?" His hand went to cup Gus' head, massaging through the soft hair.

"Yes, c'mon." Michael looped his arm through Brian's free elbow. "I found a private waiting room. It has a couch." He guided Brian along the way, through a door they could shut on the world and all it's noise.

Brian walked to the plush couch, bending to his knees to set Gus down. He worked a pillow under the rosy cheek, then took off his jacket to cover the little body in warmth. "There. Now..." He pushed off from the couch to stand upright. "... we can do this properly."

Michael smiled shyly, reaching out to rub down Brian's left biceps. Then his facade began to crack and the rubbing turned to a frantic clutch. Both hands came up and out, latching onto Brian's arms, mid-bicep. He wouldn't look up, moisture gathering in his eyes, but nothing falling.

Brian didn't move. Couldn't move. He bent his head and watched Michael's reaction to him. The way he clutched at him, the way he sweetly averted his head. The way those hands were roaming over his chest, sinking under his shirt to seek warmth of bare skin. Brian inhaled a sharp intake of breath. As sexually experienced as he was, how creative his imagination could be... why did little, inconsequential things make him shudder and quake?

Michael never failed to improve upon transfer from fantasy into reality.

Or maybe it was because the Really REAL Michael was standing right before him, the ability of speech stolen by the mere sight of Brian in front of him. At his side, like always.

Brian swallowed nervously. A hand was tempted to rise and caress, but it hesitated.

"I just can't... believe... you're here..." Michael shook his head, closing his eyes tight. As if he, too, lived off dreams and fractured fantasies that infiltrated his world.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Where else would I be?" Brian could barely say the words without making his voice shake.

"Yeah..." Michael laughed, licking his dry lips and trying to moisten his mouth.

Brian could see something changing, shaping Michael's features. He wanted to speak before Michael did. "Look..." He grasped Michael's shoulders, tracing down to cup the joints. "... I may have said a word or two that was out of line..."

Michael let out a soft groan under his throat, standing up along Brian's whipcord frame. He kissed him soundly on the mouth. His arms came up to encircle the long neck, hands gripping and molding through hair and over skin. He meshed their foreheads, allowing Brian a few seconds to catch his breath. "It was exactly what I needed to hear."

"What-?" Brian was talking about their fight a few months back, before Babylon's bombing. Somehow, he knew Michael was talking about the "love" comment he blurted out before he hung up. He couldn't respond with Michael's lips all over his.

Not the forceful, messy kind of kiss, with tongue and lapping, exchanging saliva. This was the slow, sensual kind. The one you did in bed, under covers and being woken up by a lustful partner who couldn't get enough. The way the lips touched pliable skin, breaking off at every turn of the head. The way the passionate near-black brown eyes gazed over features he'd seen for years, but suddenly "seeing" them for the first time.

Brian cupped Michael's hips, feeling a right hand command he begin shaping the backside. "Wha-... Ben...?"

"Away."

"For good?"

"Maybe." Michael shrugged one shoulder, running his hands under Brian's chin. "I dunno."

"Wait..." Brian held Michael back with some distance. "... what happened?"

Michael quirked up one eyebrow. "You really want to know?"

Brian glared down at Michael, as if "stupid" was painted on his forehead.

"Hehe... I know... stupid question." Michael didn't move out of Brian's hold around his waist.

"Michael... c'mon..." Brian shook the body he loved to hold close to him. "... you used to be able to tell me anything."

"And you used to care about my life... about me."

"What makes you think...?"

"Being told I'm a 'farce'. That what I have wanted most for my life was a, uh... 'freakshow'..."

"Ah..." Brian's hold loosened a bit, but Michael held onto his forearms tight. "... so you did pay attention."

"Easy to forgive, harder to forget. You said I'd 'infected' Justin. I was fairly certain you thought you weren't too far behind."

"I was drunk." Brian shrugged his shoulders. "What do I know about love and marriage for any couple?"

Michael tucked his hands through Brian's arms, sliding around his back. "I took a few steps beyond you, I wasn't letting go of you."

"In the moment, the thought is hard to comprehend and be content with. I was... and would no longer be your number one priority. It felt like you were abandoning me, for something... someone better."

"... 'better'... is all relative."

Brian sighed, bringing his arms up to rest on Michael's shoulders, dangling his fingers down. "Ben's not here. Is he...?"

"I think Ben's back home. His childhood home, I hope. His father's in the hospital."

Brian went silent, not sure how to react. "Is he gonna make it?"

Michael shook his head. "If he does, it won't be for long. Liver failure."

"Yeah, Ben did mention, that night, about..." Brian paused, momentarily, as Michael pulled away from him. "Michael... jesus... what-?"

"He shut me out again." Michael wrapped his arms around his body, shaking his head. He took his coat off and paced over to a chair along the wall. He sat forward a bit. "Just when I thought we were getting somewhere..." He lifted up his long sleeves, stopping at his bent elbows. A wristwatch and an inch thick leather wristband covered both arms. He soothed his forearms, feeling a slight chill. "... I had no idea Ben could be such a mean drunk. Or a drunk, for that matter."

Brian began to wonder to himself what was hidden underneath those two pieces of jewelry. He pinched his lips together, still feeling Michael's mouth on him. His skin was alive and alert to Michael's presence. He dragged over a straight back chair. He'd sit off to the side of Michael, keeping some distance between them. He straddled the seat, backwards, so he could lean on the rungs.

"I knew something was wrong. Something was eating at him. He kept pushing me away. He didn't want to go to clubs with me. Only hang out with his HIV Poz buddies. I don't know what triggered his last reaction." Michael rubbed at his eyes, sitting upright and back against the cushion of the chair. "I guess Ben knew about his father for weeks, but his mother contacted him about a week ago. Said if he wanted to say a last goodbye to the old drunk bastard, he better come home quick..." He crossed his right ankle over his left knee. He started to play with the hem of his jeans.

"When did he leave?"

"That's just it... I don't think he has." Michael stared directly into Brian's face, catching his shock.

"But then where...?" Brian was confused by Ben's antics.

How do you find the strength to run from someone like Michael and hibernate on your own? Ben HAD Michael in his life, what more was he looking for?

"All I know is... his mother keeps calling the house. And he hasn't come home, yet."

"Michael..." Brian rubbed at his brow, shaking his head in befuddlement. "... what do you think he's done?"

"I'm not sure I have the strength to care. I'm pissed off. Not only for Ben's binge on socially drinking, bringing that shitty attitude into our bedroom. I've had to kick him out the last few times. Hunter's not home, he took a vacation with some friends. Ben's been crashing in his room. He won't talk to me. He only broke down the other night... confessing everything... because he was making himself stir crazy bottling it all up inside."

Brian's eyes flashed to Michael's wrists again. "Did he touch you? Jenny? Hunter?" He could take Bruckner throwing a few fists toward him, but messing with anyone else would enrage Brian more.

"No. There were some nights I could see a flicker in his eyes, but he'd storm off and go lift weights."

"Have you tried looking for him?"

"Yeah." Michael responded, but didn't look up.

"Where do you think he is?"

"I think... well, it's my opinion he's found someone else."

"Wha-?" Now Brian was beyond flabbergasted, not knowing what he could say next.

Michael crossed his arms over his chest. "There's still so much I don't know about him. People in his past, before HIV took over his life. I don't even know half of his Poz friends. Never truly been formally introduced to any co-workers at the college or any of his students. Right now... it's anybody's guess who he's with."

Brian wrapped his arms around the upper portion of the chair. His gaze stared intently at Michael. "You've been avoiding me, intentionally. You had some idea I'd rub your nose in this, telling you 'I Told You So'."

"Partly, but mostly... I'm exhausted by failing to make this marriage work. I have Ben's participation only so far and then... I get another door slammed in my face. No matter how much sense I make, how much I sympathize and tell him I'm here for him... it's not what he wants or needs. I told him that's how I thought marriage was supposed to be. Being partners... being there for each other in times like these. It doesn't seem to work like I thought." Michael finally raised his eyes to connect with Brian's hazel ones. "Not like it does with you."

"Huh?"

Michael smirked, his brown gaze never wavering off Brian's stunned features. "You may be stubborn, complicated, an asshole, difficult to crack, but at least you let me in. With Ben... it's like I keep getting the idea anything dealing with his past, before I showed up, is off limits. I hate this... wanting to be needed by my husband, knowing he does need me and him refusing to compromise. Even a smidge. I feel stifled, like I'm not allowed to be who I am. Who I want to be for him. Who I was once for you." He felt bad because he walked away from Brian to be with Ben and now Ben didn't even want him in that way.

"So... is this... it?" Brian had some idea Michael was more then frustrated, he was ready to walk out of the relationship.

"I don't really know. What I DO know is that if he hasn't dealt with his father... whether he lives or dies is moot... what NEW problem will come up that I won't be included in on? I think Hunter's fine. He and Ben have their own bond that will always be there. It's Jenny I'm worried about now, these days."

"Michael, you have a right to raise her however you want."

"Ben's not a terrible father to her, but she's sensitive to his moods. He's actually not as patient and Zen with her as I'd like him to be. I have to keep reminding him she's only a child, growing up. I think he's expecting her to be like Hunter, with thoughts, ideas and experiences already programmed in." Michael glanced at Brian, leaning forward in the chair again. "The way you are with Jenny... does it come naturally to you or do you actually have to pre-plan your reaction to her?" He was truly curious. If this afternoon was any indication to him, Brian was doing exactly what he'd wanted Ben to do for months.

"It's how I wished my own mother to be... maybe my father, too."

Michael chuckled, scratching at his chin. "I let Jenny dictate the moments between us. I've spent most of them on the floor or carpet. But I get down to her level and play as much as I can."

"Half the time..." Brian cleared his voice as it cracked a little. "... I see 'you' in her."

Michael smirked, feeling a blush cross his face. "Does it happen often?"

"More then you'd like to know."

Michael flicked his eyes over toward Gus. "He sleeps like you."

Brian tilted his head, watching Gus... dead to the world and spread out wide on the cushions, face squished to the pillow. "I really sleep like that?"

"Sometimes. But you're freakishly alert and you wake up easily from the slightest motion in bed."

Brian nodded his head, rubbing a hand over his stubble. "I forget sometimes, how Debbie trained me well. She'd let me spend the night with you, in your bed... but there was The Golden Rule we always had to follow."

 **_"No Shirts, No Shorts... No Sleeping With Michael."_ **

"I'd wake up those nights she worked the graveyard shift at the Diner, hear her leave... and I'd take off my shirt..." Brian demonstrated the flourishing move he used.

Michael chuckled deeply. "Why?"

Brian grabbed onto the rungs of the chair. "Well... I liked feeling you against me. Your warmth... breathing... heart beating. It was an amazing feeling that cured me of any ills and lulled me to sleep."

Michael rolled his eyes and threaded his fingers together, placing them between his knees. "I hated waking up to find you nearly naked, laying all over me."

Brian winked, then snickered from a memory. "Remember the night you dared me?"

Michael covered his eyes with one hand, embarrassed. "Sort of."

"Liar." Brian chuckled, shaking his head at how shy Michael became. "At the heart of you... you're hornier then I am."

"If I recall... you 'dared' me, too."

Brian nodded his head in agreement, but as the memory returned so did those feelings. "I still know how you felt against me. How it felt to lay between your thighs... completely naked..."

"Really? All those million years ago? Still as clear as a bell?" Michael couldn't trust too much in Brian's memory, much less his truth in his feelings.

"It was the 'sequel' to the Swayze Incident."

"THAT I do remember." Michael frowned, wondering what would happen if their family and friends knew a few scarier truths then what they already knew. "Think people would be shocked to know how far we almost DID go? This time... Ma wasn't there to stop us."

"I would've... and could've heartlessly taken your virginity. We were THAT close."

"But you told me... with me, it would never be just sex and fucking... it was..."

"... love..." Brian supplied the word quickly.

"That's not what you said at the time."

"It's what I meant to say. I got tongue-tied, feeling you go hard underneath me. Because of me."

"I'm glad you did say what you did. Though it wasn't too long before you were off to college and chasing other boys... then the men. Everybody you had instead of me. Hearing that... it was easier to handle the constant heartache."

"I never stopped wanting you that way, Michael. Even with Justin. Even when David and Ben were a part of your life. You were always my first."

"Mine, too." Michael sent over a sweet, shy smile.

A knock sounded. An ER nurse needed Michael to come back and speak with Jenny's Pediatrician.

Michael turned to explain where he'd be.

Brian waved him on. "Go ahead. I'll be here. Whenever you're ready."

Michael nodded, exiting behind the nurse.

Brian paced to the door, willing to stand at attention to wait for it to open when Michael came back. When he opened his eyes, he found FigmentMichael close by. He looked a little faded, like an old photograph. "It's my turn to wait for you."

"Think you can handle this?" Michael crossed his arms, smirking with mild pleasure.

Brian scrunched his brow in thought. "This? Piece of cake."

"No. Not the waiting... the rest of your life? One man? Me?" Michael pat his upper chest.

"You mean..." Brian walked over, his head bowed. As he lifted his face, his eyes ran up the fading form. "... every morning rolling over to see your face next to mine... feel your body warm at my side..."

Michael grinned, his eyes bright. "That's sweet. If that's how you'll cope, I'm happy. But not everything is face value, you know."

"How do you mean?"

"Just because it looks and acts like something, doesn't mean it is what you think it should be. You might be surprised what you find if you try hard enough. I could very well be the best thing to ever happen to Brian Kinney."

"You already are."

"So prove it. Take a chance with me. I won't let you down."

"Want to know something I've never told you?"

"What?"

"I've always known you'd be my last..."

"Hmmm..." Michael winked and sat on his hands on the wall. "... listen to you, you're already halfway there."

"Michael..." Brian looked up to find FigmentMichael gone. His fantasy no longer needed to be close, he was almost sure of having the real thing. He moved to the couch, sitting down in the space left over. He picked up Gus' feet and set them on his lap.

Gus woke up blinking. "Where are we?"

"Hospital." Brian placed his arm along the back of the cushions. He watched Gus crawl over the couch to settle under his arm, close to his chest. He was always amazed how easy it was to cuddle his son to his body and not feel... strange or bitter.

Gus wiped at his sleepy eyes, laying his head on his father's torso. "Right... Jenny... is she sick?" He asked with his eyes shut.

"I don't know. I didn't ask Michael. And he didn't offer the info. I'm sure it's just growing pains. Her body's changing from baby stages to toddler. You know she'll be 2yrs old soon." Brian combed his fingers through the soft spikes.

"Two? Wow... I 'member when she was only a baby. Mel let me hold her. She was so tiny. Strong. I knew I'd never hurt her, always protect her." Gus lifted up to look at his father's face. "Is it wrong to like her?"

"What do you mean?" Brian scraped a finger down Gus' cheek, tracing pillow lines on his face.

"All my friends have little sisters. Some have big ones. They don't feel the same, like me. I get upset when I see her hurting or sad."

Brian almost choked to know his son felt a deep connection with Michael's daughter this early in their relationship. There was always the chance Melanie and Lindsay wouldn't work out, so it was good the children were bonding despite having different parents. "It's natural." He swept back a fly away strand of hair. "You two are growing up together. Closer then siblings usually are because of those who raise you."

"Is Michael okay?" Gus leaned his arm on his father's chest. " 'bout Jenny?"

"Yes. He was happy to see you." Brian knew how attached his son was to Michael.

"Really?!" Gus smiled shyly, looking down.

"Yes."

"Michael's nice. Not like Mom or Mel. He's... he's like you..."

Brian furrowed his brow in perplexity. "How so?"

"I dunno. You and Michael 'play' like a kid. Plus, Michael let's me do what I want with him." Gus giggled and weakened at the hilarious moments he'd had with Michael. "He's so funny."

Brian paused for a moment, wondering if Gus was aware of the dynamics between Michael and him. "Gus, would you ever...?"

Michael returned into the room. Jenny was babbling up a storm and squirming to be put down. So Michael set Jenny down on the carpet. He put the bag of medicines and prescriptions on the coffee table. Jenny was already crawling happily toward Brian.

Brian had spread his feet wide, waiting for Jenny to reach him.

"Michael!" Gus sprang off the couch, raising his arms high for Michael to grab and hoist him up into his warm embrace. He rested his head on Michael's shoulder, a tiny arm about Michael's back.

"Thank you for being here."

Gus hugged Michael tight. "Is Jenny okay?"

They both watched her clamp hands down on Brian's sneakers and then use his pant material to climb to her feet. She cupped the huge knees in her wee-little palms and danced for Brian... who foolishly clapped to no music whatsoever.

Michael smiled, his eyes going misty. "Yes, Gus. She's fine." He placed his cheek on top of Gus' head.

"Are you okay?" Gus pet Michael's chest in sympathy.

Michael sat the down on the coffee table. "I sure am. Now that you..." He kissed Gus' temple. "... and your Dad are here." He situated Gus to sit on his lap.

Jenny finally reach up with her arms to be picked up, which Brian obliged to do. And she squealed with happiness, chomping on her fist. She proudly took a seat on Brian's lap, choosing the left thigh.

Gus lifted his torso to look directly at Michael. "We're family, right?"

"Yes, sweetie... family..." Michael frowned, unsure of what Gus was getting at.

Jenny chose to speak up and made a really loud indistinguishable noise, then pounded backward on Brian's chest. Brian was wrapping both arms tight around Jenny's little body, pushing to sit forward a little.

"She's silly." Gus shook his head, laughing but a little tired of the attention Jenny sometimes craved. "I'm happy Jenny's okay."

Michael rubbed gently at Gus' chest. "Were you worried?"

Gus shook his head. "No. Dad said Jenny's made of the same stuff you are. You guys make it through anything."

Michael took a peek at Brian, who had eloquently averted his head. "Did you sleep well?"

Gus yawned and stretched. "A little."

"Would you like to come home with me and Jenny for the rest of the night?"

"Is Hunter there?" Gus liked the older boy.

"No. He's gone for a bit. He'll be back, though."

"Can I sleep in his room?"

"Of course. Hunter won't mind." Michael patted Gus' thigh.

Gus covered his tiny hand over Michael's. "Think Dad will mind?"

Michael lifted his head to look over at Brian who was lost in playing with Jenny. He had her standing on his thighs, pumping her chubby legs up and down. "Well... I'm hoping your Dad... will come with us."

Brian heard "Dad" in reference to Gus. "What?" He hadn't really been paying attention.  
   
"I invited Gus over."

Brian stuck out his bottom lip. "Is the invite open to anyone?"

Michael chuckled, nodding his head. "If you want. No one will force you, Brian."

Jenny paused in her "dancing" to lean forward on Brian's chest and reach up to grab tufts of his hair. She then began to proclaim... "Baa Baa Bah... Daa Daa Dah... Baa-Dah!" The final "Dah!" was like a demand of "mine!", especially with the added gesture of nodding her head once, emphatically. Then she had a death grip on Brian.

Michael frowned, shaking his head in mock sadness. "Looks like I might have to fight my own daughter for your attention."

Brian stared intently over Jenny's dark head of hair toward Michael. "You won't have to do much."

"I won't?" Michael seemed shocked.

"You never had to, Michael."

"Mmmmm... NOW you tell me."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When Michael wandered downstairs after putting both Gus and Jenny to bed, his gaze went from dining room to living room. The dinner table was clear of dishes and glasses, the board game they played with Gus until he got sleepy again. Even the kitchen appeared spotless. He found Brian in the darkened living room, standing at the big picture window, looking out into early morning moonglow.

"Brian..." Michael tone was hushed, private.

"Yeah..." Brian swiveled from the window, venturing over to Michael on the steps. "They both tucked in, nice and snuggly?"

"Yup." Michael held out his hand, leaning back on one of the staircase posts. Brian was already gaining ground. "Now... it's your turn."

Brian took the hand, but wrapped his free arm around Michael's waist. He was amazed to find Michael was at an equal eye level to him. "Michael, are you sure...?"

Michael cupped Brian's face, leaning toward him, advancing on his lips. "Stop thinking so much. What do you feel?" Their foreheads met, breathes hot on one another's faces.

"Fear." Brian gulped and then laughed awkwardly. He suddenly felt cold, needing Michael's warmth.

"Why?" Michael combed his fingers from Brian's bangs through to the back of his head. He kissed the red welt on his hairline. "It's only me."

Brian shook his head, keeping his head bowed, eyes on Michael's t-shirt material. "No, it's not. It's you... and me... and us. If we patch things up between you and I, I don't want to start anything that might jeopardize what we have... or tear us apart..."

Michael undercupped Brian's jaw, lifting the head. "What if it's what we've always needed?"

"Are you talking about our friendship... or are you trying to say you want something more?" Brian voice sounded desperate to his own ears.

"Haven't we always been 'something more' then just friends?"

"Yes, but..."

"What's wrong?" Michael held Brian's head only an inch from his own. It fascinated him how those hazel eyes couldn't look at him at all, kept shifting away. Afraid of some secret alight in his eyes.

Brian blinked, licking his lips. "There's been more then only distance between us, Michael. I can't even be sure if you like me... much less want me to..."

Michael shut Brian up with a sound kiss. He secured his arms tight about Brian's neck. "You're talking too much. I always thought you were a man of action, not words."

"Maybe I finally realize how important it is to say the words along with the action."

"Prove it."

"Prove what?"

"Soooo... you said you loved me... prove it."

"Uhm... sorry, still clueless here. What do you mean?"

"How... do you love me? How do you want me to love you?"

"Michael, let's not..."

"I realize this isn't the right situation to restart our relationship in, but I can't help feeling... you're ready for me. More ready then you've ever been. You simply don't know how to politely ask me. And... if I don't do something drastic to change my drab, repetitive life to finally make myself happy... I'll never know how great my life could have been."

"You somehow have imagined life with me to be... great?"

"Don't you?"

Brian couldn't help but smirk sheepishly. "Not often, but lately... yes..."

Michael moved away, up one or two steps. His hand holding Brian's. "Let's go to bed... see where the rest of this morning takes us."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Michael was completely naked underneath him, Brian was feeling much the same he had all those years ago. That same nervousness, the fear he'd ruin a great thing with Michael for some thrill that would be over quicker then they started.

"This isn't how you'd normally sleep." Brian was resting on his forearms, hovering over Michael.

"How do you know?" Michael scratched his fingernails over and along Brian's back.

"I know more then you think I know." Brian loved the ease at banter and playful dialogue they had. He'd missed these moments. Then Michael's hands reached his bottom and caressed the cheeks, sculpting the pliable skin and massaging the globes apart. He groaned into Michael's mouth, feeling fingertips slide down the backs of his thighs.

"Maybe this is another 'dare'. Are you prepared for the challenge?"

"Just for tonight?"

"Why? How long were you thinking?"

"The rest of our lives is a good start." Brian was on his knees on the bed. As Michael widened the spread of his legs, Brian found where he perfectly fit. "I'm not sure I..."

Michael reached up to caress Brian's face. "... I love you..."

"Michael, don't..." Brian tried to turn his head when Michael arched up for a kiss.

Since he wouldn't give him his lips, Michael rose to kiss a trail down Brian's cheek and throat. "... I want you..." He trailed his hands over Brian's chest, tweaking the nipples.

"Jesus, Michael..." Brian sucked in a long breath. He could see that Michael's own rigid length was hard, feeling it pulsate at his belly. Without a doubt, Michael still had the same feelings for him he always kept secret.

"... I need you..." Michael rested back on the pillows, offering himself, body and soul.

Brian almost died from the sight of Michael's body laying open and vulnerable to his ministrations. "You're still married to Ben." He didn't stop touching and kissing Michael. This moment was too good to pass up.

"Actually, unofficially... we've separated." Michael tried to avoid eye contact with Brian. "Ben just doesn't have the heart or the courage to tell me to my face." He thrust upward when he felt Brian press down on him.

"Michael..." Brian grabbed Michael's chin in his grasp to make them look at one another. "I'm not gonna be some fuck on the rebound. We do this... we do this for good." He let go of Michael's chin, then traced a finger over the plump lips. "We're for keeps."

"Good. Great. I wouldn't want this any other way." Michael reached for a condom on the nightstand, opening the packet. He had sheathed Brian's length without even bothering to look.

"I don't want to hurt you." Brian wished his voice didn't sound so shaky, as if he hadn't hit puberty.

"You won't. I'm stronger then you think. Just... all I ask is that you go slow, at first." Michael held onto Brian's hips to guide him to his body, anticipating the initial pain of being penetrated after being without intercourse for so long. But also because he knew how big Brian was, how rough he could get once in the throes of sexual release.

Brian was at Michael's entrance when the phone rang downstairs.

Michael hugged Brian close, not wanting him to leave. "Rings once, then goes to answering machine. Keep going." He latched one leg around Brian's body. He could feel the thick cock tip press into him, he rearranged his body to accept Brian's swift motion.

"Fuck... you're so tight..." Brian slowly inched inside the anal walls, feeling the muscles expand as he gently plunged in.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 **Answering Machine :**  
 **  
"Michael... it's Ben. Uhm... I know I don't have much time on this thing, but... here it goes..."**  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"The sex between Ben and I... went south." Michael explained quickly. "Except for the occasional handjob... I haven't... oh god..." He arched his back off the bed. His palm lay flat on Brian's abdomen. "... oh my god... this isn't right..."

Brian paused in his motion. "What? What's wrong?"

Michael reached up to kiss Brian's open mouth, cupping his cheek. "No... no... don't stop... it's what I've wanted for much too long now... it'll be a crime to not follow through..."

Brian slid into Michael all the way, watching him writhe under him. "Tell me... tell me what you want from me..."

"This..." Michael clamped onto Brian's forearms. "... is good for now..." He rolled his hips, creating a circular motion to counter thrust Brian's moves.

"Christ! Michael..." Brian bent low to nuzzle his face with Michael's, mingling their sweat. 

"Hmmm...?"

"I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"For making you wait so long for something that feels this good."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ **  
"... I'm sorry I can't be who you want me to be, Michael. I know that's not fair to you, but it's just... it's all too much sometimes. It gets complicated and messy and I just don't want to rehash old memories..."**  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"It can only get better." Michael chuckled lightly, his mind astounded at the possibilities.

"Not likely." Brian shook his head in disagreement. Not because of Michael, but because nothing good ever came from a Kinney.

"How come?" Michael rubbed the back of his hand down Brian's face and along his body.

"Anything that's worth something and this great... can't last for long..."

"Then how do you explain the last 20yrs of us?" Michael quirked one eyebrow in question.  
   
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 **"... anyway, I know this seems cold and bitter, talking to you on the answering machine and not to your face, but... I'm back home. I saw my father last night and... I'm not sure if I'm coming back to Pittsburgh for awhile..."**  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"There's more then US now. There's sex... our children... wherever we choose to call home... our careers... how we plan on making it..."

"Brian, this is one night of sex..." Michael was a bit astounded he was actually alright if this was it for them. Not that he'd finally have crossed his name off Brian's "Fucked" list, but that he'd had one fantastic moment of sex with someone he loved beyond all realm of thought. "... that sounds like a lifetime..." Why was Brian the one who fathomed a forever kind of future for them?

"I'm not letting you go." Brian almost growled the words as his pumping began to not only speed up, but increase in strength.

"I know you're not..." Michael could almost sense Brian's body shiver at each thrust into his body. "... your hands on my body make that known..." Which was true, Michael could always tell how Brian felt by his actions alone. Why he never needed words, until now.

"You're mine." Brian soundly kissed Michael to stress his point. He pinned the wrists down to the bed, realizing for the first time that the leather wristband Michael now wore held a lone cowry shell in it's design. "You always have been." He almost choked to think he'd graduated down to a similar bracelet now, one that held two entwined shells in it's beaded decoration.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ **  
"... I'm not sure that I can do this marriage thing for you, Michael, the way you want. The way you need. I know the man who's perfect for you is out there... somewhere... waiting in the wings for you to wake up..."**  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"About time you realized that, took a chance on me... on us..."

Brian sat up, bringing Michael with him, arm strung up Michael's back and palm flat to the moist flesh. "You should have knocked some sense into me." He leaned back on one arm planted on the mattress.

"I knew you'd figure it out on your own." Michael worked his hips, pounding down onto Brian's cock. "I just have more patience then you..." His arms had once been around Brian's neck for balance, now the hands were clamped around Brian's head, fingers threading through wet strands.

"... bet you don't have the stamina..."

"... is that another 'dare'...?"

"Could be. You up to handle the challenge?"

Michael answered that question by making them fall over onto Brian's back and pinning Brian down to the mattress. He increased their tempo into a faster frenzy.

Black/brown eyes gazed intently into darkening hazel eyes... and the night was still young for them...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 **"... I hope one day you'll be happy, Michael. I still love and care about you. I'll always wish you the best... I'll try to reach you at a better time tomorrow. We'll get this all hammered out a little more coherently. Sleep tight, baby..."**  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ **THE END... _maybe_...**

**Mini-Epilogue :**

Dark-raven hair spiked about on a mass of blue silk pillow covers, sleeping laying flat on a washboard stomach. Left arm tucked under a slim torso and resting crooked, slightly to the left with a right leg drawn up. Dark honey-brown hair was wispy over the pale naked shoulder, half the long willowy frame was pressing over the shorter man. Two pairs of legs were tangled, the sheets half pulled up and pushed down to the end of the bed. The man on top was using his bed partner, beneath him, as a favorite pillow.

They'd collapsed this way after the hours of fucking they'd accomplished.

The persistent knocking woke both people in bed out of a hormonal drunken slumber.

"Who the fuck?!" Brian groaned, lifting his head up from sticking to Michael's drying skin.

"I'll get it." Michael slid out from under Brian to climb out of bed, moving to pick up his sweats from the floor.

Brian tugged Michael backward, stuffing him under the covers. "No. Stay. I'll get it. Probably for me anyway."

Michael bent both arms over his head. "Who the hell do you know comes traipsing out at two in the morning, knocking on doors?"

"I don't know, but I'm about to find out."

Michael picked up a pillow and plastered it over his face, muffling all sound.

Brian put on his jeans and fixed his mussed up hair. He padded barefoot to the metal door. "Who the fuck is it?!"

"Brian Kinney! Open up!"

For a minute, it sounded like Emmett. "For the love of all that's holy and peaceful..." Brian slid open the metal door. "... what... how the fuck did you find me?"

Mysterious Marilyn stood poised in the doorway, patting her coif and clutching her purse. "I have ways of coercing anything out of a gay man. Plus... I'm psychic..."

"Still NOT FUNNY... would've been funnier if it wasn't two in the fuckin' morning! Don't you have a coffin to sleep in?"

"I know. I'm sorry, honey." Marilyn touched Brian's bare shoulder and pushed her way inside. "I need to ask you a question."

"Size 12."

"No... but thanks for sharing." Marilyn wiped her sweaty palms on her dress. "Do you remember Sunday night... when you, uh... when I gave you all that money...?"

"Change." Brian corrected her, attempting to clear his mind of a sleep fog.

"Whatever." Marilyn squinted her eyes in the hopes that Brian hadn't done much with it in the past few days. "Do you... have you spent any of it?"

"Why the fuck...?" Brian rolled his eyes, shutting the door partway. "Never mind. I don't want to know." He wiped the heels of his hands over his eyes. "My wallet's in my bedroom." He was already on the move.

"Oh..." Marilyn fiddled with her necklace and hopped on her heels, following Brian. "... no, no... don't disturb your companion... I just need to know it's safe." She tried not to look beyond or through the deliciously half-naked body before her. He looked as if he'd spent quite a fun-filled night with his latest conquest.

Brian turned from walking up the bedroom steps. "What's safe?" One foot was on the top step, the other on the bottom as he faced Marilyn.

"Uhm... well, let's see..." Marilyn scratched at her upper lip. "Did you notice that some of the change looked a little... off?" She clapped her hands together, using the blend as a gesture to point. "Weird-like. Not like Canadian or Euro monies, but ancient, maybe." She then brought her hands to her lips, wishing to hear good news.

"No." Brian shook his head. "Looked like normal change to me." He began to wave away Marilyn's spooky talk that would come soon. "Let me save you the mumbo jumbo and just give you back what I still have." He walked into the bedroom, disappearing to the other side of the bedroom.

Michael sat up, watching Brian dig around for change in the dish near his side of the bed. "What the fuck, Brian? Do Meter Maids make house calls on your street?" He wasn't expecting to see the familiar face he saw standing just at the entrance into the living room.

Marilyn let out a little squeak from the bedroom doorway. "Oh... my...!" She fanned her face, feeling a blush coming on. "... will you look at that?" She patted her fingers on her lips, eyebrows raised in curiosity. She knew these two boys very well. What a treat!

Michael turned to find Mysterious Marilyn smiling over at him. She gave a tiny wave from the side of her body. Michael waved back, trying to smile, but unsure that some gossip wouldn't be spread all over Liberty Avenue by tomorrow or the next five minutes. He didn't really mind, but... oh, well... fuck it... "Hi, Marilyn."

"Michael... you're looking..." Well fucked and satisfied... was what Marilyn could see and sense in the room.

Brian wandered back over, his palm held out. "Here." He shoved his hand forward, as he stepped down into the living room. "I think this is everything... sans the lint and gum..."

Marilyn looked down into Brian's palm. "Oh... I see it now..." She reached for one item and snatched it back. "... uh... are you doing alright, Brian?" She wasn't asking to be nosey, she was actually wondering since this stone had some pretty strong magical powers.

"Yeah... fine." Brian took a quick glance at Michael's blank expression, then back to Marilyn's fake smile. "Why?"

"Oh.... no reason." Marilyn then waved "good bye" for the last time and clicked her heels hurriedly across the floor to exit the doorway. She was strong enough to yank the door wide open, then jump the threshold. "Did... THAT... just happen?" She gestured toward Michael in Brian's bed.

"No... it's been a few days." Brian had jogged after Marilyn, meeting up with her at the door. Cool... he didn't even have to kick her out.

"Did anything... strange happen to you when you had this... uh, change in your pocket?"

"Besides the usual Monday blahs... no, why...?" Brian crossed his arms over his bare chest. "Does it have some kind of voodoo magic curse?" He laughed at his own tease.

"Not unless you realized how weird your day was from normal."

"Like... what exactly?"

"Could you hear animals talk?"

"No."

"Uhm... were you able to see through concrete and steel?"

"Uh... nope..."

"Did little Good and Evil sprites, sitting on your shoulders, talk to you in your ear?"

"Fuck no!"

"Did it feel like everything you once dreamed possible came true?"

Brian kind of went pale, but he was covered by shadows. "Like how?"

"Say... you dreamed about a wild night of sex with someone you didn't go to bed with... and you wake up and he's right there... or you have one measly thought about them and POOF!... there they are. That kind of stuff."

"No... not really, no..." Brian swallowed with some difficulty, attempting not to fathom he'd been under some kind of superpower or spell for the entire day. He hoped Marilyn couldn't read faces well and pick up on his outright lie.

"Okay good." Marilyn was already halfway closing the door when she peeked around it to point an index finger toward the bedroom again. "So I did see Michael in your bed? Not a figment of your imagination?"

Brian shook his head. "No..." He then chuckled deeply. "He's for real."

"Then... congratulations." Marilyn sighed with relief. Dark magic foiled again. Thank God. "I knew you two would make it."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. After all you are his One True Love... B-R-I..." Marilyn waved as she shut the door hard.

Brian could hear Marilyn's heels climb down the flights of stairs. He set the locks again and turned to wander back toward the bedroom.

"Brian... what the hell was she doing here?"

Brian climbed onto the bed, on his hands and knees he crawled over Michael. "You don't even want to know."

"Try me."

"Thanks. I think I will."

Brian proceeded to bite and lick at Michael's vulnerable stretch of bare throat.

  
~*~*~*~ **Now it's REALLY OVER... THE END..**


End file.
